Blast from the past

So I think I am funny, no really I am just hilarious. Here is something I wrote in 2008 to a friend.

Don’t fly with US.

April 3, 2008
(This was originally an email to someone and I thought I’d post it)

I was in the Phoenix airport, I handed my boarding pass to the security officer and SURPRISE!! I was randomly selected for an additional search (again)! I had once again won the airline lottery! Canceling my last flight and selecting me for an additional search in New York wasn’t enough. They wanted to really make me love flying.
I was put in a funny little glass room with three clear glass walls and a door. I thought to myself, not for the first time, why do you need a door on a three walled room, why not make four walls and two doors? Or better yet why not just have no walls and no door and just have me sit down in a chair because it would seem to me that it is extremely easy to escape from a room with three walls.
I look up and see an aging punk rocker about 30 feet away “locked” in a room like mine. We point and laugh and he starts flipping everyone (except me) off. We are both visibly laughing at our captors.
A woman comes to the door. She opens it and has me follow her and my belongings being carried by three security officers. I skip along behind them because there is no reason for me to take the situation seriously. The worst thing I have on me is some crappy tasting airborne (apple cider flavor). They take all my things out of my carry on, purse and laptop bag. They also run some weird little cloth all over everything.
A security officer who is young and pretty with long blond hair asks me to step onto a carpet with feet prints on it and put my arms out to my sides, parallel to the floor. As she does this and tries to demonstrate it she flings her arms out quickly and smashes her fellow security officer in the face, to my delight.
The punk rocker is standing next to me and we all laugh. They sort of stop being jerks and I start putting my shoes and sweater back on. While I am doing this she is now trying to open my laptop. Backwards. I explain she had it backwards and it’s okay I even do it once in a while. She says ‘thank you for saying that in front of everyone’ and gives me things. I got a gold star. I am not sure what it means but I am hoping it means my next flight won’t be canceled and cost me another 100.00 in unexpected hotels.
My flight was not canceled but my plane was falling apart. I was on this smaller type of plane that sat two people two a row and it must have been 30 years old. It was literally taped together all around me. I thought this is it I am going to die on this crappy airplane with this crappy airline that has made my travel hellish. I commented on the tape coming off the panels above me and even stood up and fixed it which had the people on the plane laughing (nervously). Then my flying companion pointed out that we could be on the airplane next to us. We all looked out our tiny little portholes at a much older much scarier looking plane and laughed again. The flight attendant glared at me, but I made it to Medford alive.
So let me sum it up. Don’t fly with US. US airways sucks.